The Konoha Dating Game
by Kisekilotus
Summary: What do you get when you mix one pink haired bachelorette, an annoyingly loud TV host, and eight handsome, psychotic contestants? Why another FABULOUS episode of The Konoha Dating Game, of course! Oneshot Two Alternate Endings
1. The Konoha Dating Game

**Alright, so this here story is**_** very**_** different from my usual writing styles, but I hope it's enjoyed just the same. Originally, it was supposed to be in script form, but I changed it; it's still cracky though, but being a good writer is all about not being afraid to take chances. Please let me know what you think by clicking on that little review button at the bottom of the page. Thanks much!**

**Also, I mixed the characters personalities with pre and post chunin exams because that makes the world go 'round. **

**And one final and deathly important note: ****NO ONE knows ANYONE****!! The characters mentioned in this story are newly found acquaintances of one another. FORGET ALL PREVIOUS RELATIONSHIPS!!**

**Well, that's it I believe. Go ahead and read on.**

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**Disclaimer: **I do not own Naruto, Konoha, or the characters in this story. I do, however, own the Konoha Dating Game (I think).

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"Weeeeeeeeeeeeeelcome ladies and gents! How all you folks doin tonight, is life treatin you good? I'm your host Might Gai and welcome to another _fabulous_ episode of 'The Konoha Dating Game'!" The enthusiastic audience yelled the show title along with him.

"Yooou got it folks. Now today we have an extra special show for you. Our dater is going to be choosing her mystery date based on the responses of **eight** different guys instead of our usual three. But before we can start, let's meet our dater. She's young, she's feisty, she enjoys taking long walks on the beach, and gazing at the stars in the sky while wrapped tightly in her 'Mr. Perfect's' arms. Let me hear the power of youth fueling your vocals cords as I present to you, the pink haired beauty, Sakura Harunooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!"

Gai held the note so long the audience fell silent and everyone-including Sakura who had made her way from the back room and now stood next to Gai- stared at him. He slowly opened his eyes, still holding the note, as he looked back and forth between Sakura, the audience, and the cameramen. He slowly let the word die down and then he cleared his throat in embarrassment.

"Ok then…I think it's time to start. But first, why don't you come and sit down on the couch and tell us a little bit about yourself."

He led her to the firm, velvet, red couch in the middle of the stage. To Sakura's left were screen doors numbered from one to eight. Gai sat down to her right and she angled herself towards him, trying to shift her attention from the eight temptations she knew were behind that door.

"Sooo, Sakura, what did you come here for today?"

"Well, hopefully to find Mr. Right." Sakura replied, exactly the way the director who'd talked to her earlier had instructed her to.

"And do you think he's here?"

Sakura laughed nervously. "I hope so."

"Well alright then, let's…get…starteeeed!"

Eagerly, Sakura began. "Okay this first question is for contestants two and seven. If we were out on a date, where would you take me?

Contestant two was the first to answer. "Somewhere cool like to Ichiraku's or something. Then after that we'd go to another place. And then somewhere else after that, but I dunno where. Either way, we'd **definitely** go and get some ramen! That's like the best kinda food ever invented. I'd probably start off with the miso ramen, then go on to the shoyu ramen, then after that get some tonkotsu ramen, and then--"

"Oookay thanks." Sakura interrupted the first contestants answer after being sure the conversation wasn't going anywhere special. "Contestant number five… your answer please."

"Who said I'd take you out on a date in the first place?"

Sakura cleared her throat a bit embarrassed. "…Alrighty then, next scenario is for contestants one and six. Pretend I have a kitty who I love more than anyone in the world. One day my kitty's depressed so I ask you to transform into a cat for the rest of the day so you can be my kitty's playmate and cheer it up. Would you do it for me?"

"Hell no! I hate cats!" Contestant Four spat. "If you try to bring that nasty thing by me I swear I'll throw it to my dog and let him bite its head off. Besides, it's your cat not mine-you deal with it's depression on your own, that's your responsibility you damn cat-lover.

Sakura looked nervously towards the screen door that was hiding contestant four. " …… Thank you…for your…honesty. Contestant six, your turn."

Contestant Six looked up from the book he was reading and noticed the camera in his booth in on. He laughed nervously. "I'm sorry were you saying something?"

Sakura sighed heavily. "Yes, I said if my kitty's depressed and I ask you to transform into a cat for the rest of the day so you can be my kitty's playmate and cheer it up would you do it for me?"

"Just what 'kitty' of yours are we talking about here?" Contestant Six asked. "Because I'm pretty sure I won't have to transform anything on me to cheer it up."

Sakura blushed.

Beside her, Gai muttered angrily to himself with fire in his eyes, "He's just trying to be cool. It makes me soooo mad when people act like that."

Sakura, noting host's uncalled for stifled rage, decided to continue on with the show. "Next question! For contestants one and three. We're going out for a walk in the park and some big mean guy comes up and starts messing with us. Then he has the nerve to try to hit on me! Just what do you plan on doing about that? Contestant one let's start with you."

"………"

"Uh, Contestant One, we need an answer please." Gai called out, now broken from his angered state.

"………'

"Contestant One?" Sakura asked getting worried.

"Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz." The snore that erupted from behind the first screen made Sakura jump a little.

"…He's asleep." Sakura sweat dropped.

"…..Well, I guess we move on to the next contestant shall we!" Gai offered. "Contestant number three?"

"If anyone messes with me, I'll kill them, no questions asked. And that includes you as well, so I suggest that you let that guy be an example whenever you think about upsetting me, unless you wanna end up like him that is."

Gai and Sakura sweat dropped

Gai leaned down and whispered to Sakura, "I think we should move on now."

"Right." Sakura responded nervously. "Thank you. Now contestants…five and eight; as you know, I'm a ninja and there are many dangers in this profession. Let's just say, that one day a mission went wrong and I somehow end up getting seriously hurt and put on bed rest for eight weeks, would you stay by my side the entire time?"

"If you sustain that great an injury on your mission, you were never meant to be a ninja in the first place. Would you like to know why? It's because of fate. From the time you were born, the fact that you was never meant to achieve even genin status was already placed upon you. When a new life is brought into this world, it's immediately branded by a strong, but unseen force as either an achiever or a loser. Your story proves that you are indeed one of those losers, and you were dim-witted to believe that you could defy your fate and become a ninja. If you end up on bed rest, it'd be your own fault, you were destined for it."

Sakura leaned up towards Gai and whispered in an extremely low voice-afraid of being heard, "Where the hell did you get these contestants from, the halfway house?!"

But Gai didn't have time to answer, because there was an outburst from behind screen number eight.

"It is time for my answer now Gai and Sakura!"

"Uhhhh…" Sakura groaned hesitantly as she leaned away from the screen behind her.

"Yes! Go for it young one!" Gai yelled joyfully, ecstatic by this contestant's enthusiasm.

"If you were injured, I would take care of you! I would protect you until the day I die! For everyday that you are in that bed suffering and for the rest of your life as well, I will be there for you! Whatever you desire, I promise you I will supply it, no matter what it takes! Even if it seemed like an impossible task, I would go to the ends of the Earth to fulfill it. I will never give up! I will prove to you that I have what it takes to be your boyfriend. I love you Sakura!"

Sakura's eyes were wide with shock at Contestant Eight's awkward profession of love to someone he'd yet to see.

"I like him!" she heard Gai whisper lowly, seemingly to himself, as his eyes raging with admiration stared fiercely at screen eight. Sakura huffed in amazement and looked at Gai as if he'd just lost his mind-like her potential daters seemed to have.

"Um, Gai, shouldn't we move on with the show?" Sakura interrupted Gai's out of mind state. She was now especially eager to get this whole thing over with.

"Oh right. I'm sorry I…spaced out for a second there."

"Mmm," was all Sakura hummed back. She was beginning to think everyone on this show was insane. "Alright, th--"

"Zzzzzzzz………."

"This question is the la--"

"**Zzzzzzzzzzz…….**"

"**Errrg! **Will someone **please** wake up contestant one!?" Sakura shouted over the snoring now echoing in the building, drowning out her questions.

"I gotcha there Sakura, one sec!" Seconds later, there was a loud rustling from behind screen number two. Sakura watched in confusion at the blurry silhouette. It was hard to make out just exactly what it was the contestant was doing. I looked as if he was…

"_He couldn't be!"_ Sakura thought as she looked on with Gai in horror.

There was a string of struggling grunts as the figure attempted to move within the tight booth. Everyone looked on as contestant two lifted one leg, removing something, and then the other. Then the lower half of his body, suddenly seemed much slimmer. He held up some long limp object in his hand with was seemed like satisfaction.

"Oh…my…" Sakura's mouth was wide open. What the hell was this guy doing?

Contestant two continued, now balling up the object into a tight ball. The cameras zoomed in as the shadow of the guy could be seen lifting itself up to stand atop the cheap and flimsy box that was supplied to the contestants to be used as chairs. Sakura saw to hands appear over the thin wall separating to two. In those hands was a tightly made ball of orange pants.

"Geronimo!" Contestant two yelled out, and forcefully threw down the ball, right atop contestant one's head. Contestant one awoke with a start, and his attacker jumped down from the 'chair' and sat, erupting with laughter right along with the audience.

"What…the hell…" was all Sakura could manage to say as she and Gai watched.

But Gai, however, seemed to have a twinkle of amusement in his eyes. "Ah," he sighed shaking his head from side to side as if reminiscing. "The impulsiveness of youth."

"You're insane." Sakura gaped at him in a deadpan tone, before turning her attention back to the commotion coming from behind the screens.

Contestant one was now awake, and he seemed less than thrilled about that. "What the…You idiot!" He growled upon hearing the laughter from next door. He kicked the wall separating the two of them, causing the whole structure to shake. "When are you ever gonna grow up?" then he suddenly and agitatedly sighed, and his voice became tired. "What am I doing? Arguing with you is a waste of time."

"Awww quit complainin'! We're on TV, you need to wake up anyway you lazy old crab!" Contestant two shot back, his voice still harboring a hint of amusement.

"Whatever," was the only response returned.

"Hey…can I have my pants back now?" Contestant two asked his neighbor, suddenly humble.

"No, I don't think so," Contestant one scoffed back, and Sakura watched as the ball of pants sailed way across the stage.

"Hey! Why'd you--"

"Ahem!" Sakura cleared her throat with much dramatization. It was obvious that Gai was going to be no help in all this, so it seemed that she had to break it up herself.

"Sorry to interrupt your fun," she continued. "But I still kinda have one more question left and we're running out of time."

She watched as the scene before her settled down and continued.

"Thank you. Now--"

"Hey there Sakura!" Gai suddenly interjected, seemingly broken from his ravine. "Don't you think it's time to move on to your final question?!"

"Yes Gai…That's just what I was about to do…Thanks." Sakura stared at him blankly. She truly was the only sane person on this stage.

"Alright then," Sakura exhaled greatly. "Now my final question- and this is directed to all of you: if our relationship was a CD, what would be the title of our hit song?"

"Contestant one, you begin!" Gai ordered.

"This is such a drag!" contestant one drawled out.

"Contestant two!" Gai called.

"'I'll Shower You in Ramen'…oh, and my love too."

"Three!"

"'Tempt Me and I'll Kill You.' "

"FOUR!"

"'Go Fuck Your Cat.' "

"**FIVE!**"

"Whatever name fate chooses."

"**SIX!!**"

"'I'll Make Your Icha Icha Fantasy Come True.' "

"**Grrrr! SEVEN!"**

"'You're So Annoying.' "

"_**EIGHT!!**_"

"The title of our song would be, 'I Will Love You with My Life!' I'll even sing it for you!" He cleared his throat and began singing an improvisational song to the tune of _London Bridge is Falling Down_.

"_Once you pick me you will be_

_Oh so ve-ry happy_

_Because I vow to love you _

_With my li-ife._

_No more lonely nights you will_

_Spend at home on the phone_

_I will be there at your whim_

_Be my wi-ife!_

_Oh Sa--"_

"Ok, ok I-I get it!" Sakura stopped the eager contestant before her ears began to bleed. She looked to Gai to see him, eyes closed and a pleasant smile on his lips, rocking with a content rhythm to the ear-torturing song that had just been sung (or screeched in Sakura's opinion.).

"Gai?…Gai…Gai!" Sakura yelled to him.

"That…**that** was a beautiful song!" Gai suddenly burst out. He opened his eyes, and Sakura was dumbfounded to see tears in them.

He quickly wiped them away and continued on with the show. "Alrighty then Sakura! The time has come for you to choose which mystery man you want to take home with you! It's time to make your decision."

Sakura bit her lip and thought a moment. Who the hell should she choose out of this bunch?! She had a human sloth, a bag-o'-tricks, a psychopath, a violent cat-hater, a pompous fate-lover, a pervert to the tenth power, a ticking time bomb, and a groupie.

"Your decision please." Gai now spoke to her.

Taking a few seconds longer to consider, she finally made up her mind. Sighing heavily, she muttered out, "Number eight."

The player behind screen eight went hysterical. "WHOOOOO HOOOOOOOOOO!! YES!! YES!! YES!! I KNEW IT!! I KNEW YOU WOULD PICK ME! I ONLY HAD TO BE MYSELF AND NEVER GIVE UP AND-AND…I…YES! YES! YES!!"

Sakura instantly regretted her decision.

"Well alright then! YES! Now, that you've made your choice let's see the 'coulda beens' hiding behind those screens, huh?

"Starting at number one, he described himself as one that likes to take it slow. He's extremely intelligent and enjoys watching the clouds floatin along, let's meet Shikamaru Nara! Whoo!"

The first screen slid open and out sauntered a tall, lean man with long black hair pulled back into a high ponytail. Sakura raised her eyebrows as she watched him. He was **very** good looking with a strong and attractive face and a relaxing easy going presence. As she watched him move closer, the muscles in his upper body subtly visible, she wondered if it was too late to change her mind. He stopped behind the couch like Gai instructed and Sakura had to force herself to stop ogling.

"Moving on!" Gai announced, which was all too soon in Sakura's opinion, she liked what she saw now. "Now, for contestant number two." Sakura focused her attention back on the show and the remaining guys. She recalled that the reason she hadn't chosen two was because he didn't seem to know when to quit and she feared that if she went out on a date with him, his antics were a surefire guarantee of a fight.

"He's a small guy, but full of energy. He described himself as the one who just wants to make you smile. He's not the brightest in the bunch, but he's got that determination! Give it up for the original class clown-Naruto Uzamaki!"

Screen door two slid open and in it, peeking up from behind the box, was spiky blonde hair.

"Come on out here Naruto!" Gai boomed in his stage voice.

"I can't…I don't have any pants." The audience roared with laughter, and Sakura stole a glance towards the first contestant who had a look of indifference about his former neighbor's condition, making him look even more irresistible to Sakura.

"Aww, don't be shy," Gai egged on. "We're all family here!"

Naruto sighed, "Alright, alright I'm coming."

Sakura watched in secret amusement as the contestant shuffled from behind the box. Upon seeing his face, she sucked in a sharp breath. His bright blue eyes sparkled with energy and his blonde, spiky hair stood all which-ways atop his head. He…was…_adorable_! Sakura knew that most guys wouldn't prefer to be described as adorable, but it was so true for the blushing blonde standing before her. His cuteness wasn't that of a young child, but more that of a young adult who refused to grow up. Sakura's gazed roamed over his body and stopped short at a particular… part. She then wondered how the heck she even noticed his face with **that** huge bulge in his underwear. Sakura's eyes drifted back up to his and locked, causing the bulge to grow bigger. Sakura's eyes involuntarily widened in amazement and the cute blonde turned an even deeper shade of red and hurried behind the couch for shielding.

"Alright, here's contestant number three!" Gai started again. "He described himself as…someone who'll kill you in a heartbeat if you so much as look at him wrong, and then enjoy the bitterness of your flowing blood as if it were candy…. Um, let's here it for Gaara!"

Gai took a step back as the door to screen three slid open. Sakura half-expected to see some salivating maniac with a face only the paper bag hiding it could love. She was **so** far off; because standing behind that door stood a short, muscular guy who was as hot as the messy fire red hair on his head. This time Sakura found herself letting out a quiet moan of approval as her eyes surveyed this blood-crazed hottie. Her eyes never left him as he closed the distance between the booth and his spot behind the couch. His darkly rimmed eyes didn't bother to look at anyone as he made his way across the stage. Gai seemed eager to move on.

"Now, let's bring out contestant number four. He's self described as a wild and crazy guy who isn't looking for anything permanent at this particular moment. The obvious cat hater- Kiba Inuzuka!"

Door four slid open and the opening waited a tall, tanned, muscular man with short brown hair and a strong, handsome face with red markings on it. Sakura drew in a shaky breath; the contestants just kept getting hotter and hotter! Kiba kept his eyes locked with Sakura's as he made his way towards contestants one through three.

Reading, the message in her eyes, he smirked at her and told her arrogantly, "Yeah, you coulda had all of this, babe, but you screwed up. Too bad for you, I woulda given you the night of your life."

Sakura blushed and glared at the contestant, but she couldn't lie to herself that after seeing him she wasn't regretting not going with lucky number four.

"We-he-hell" Gai laughed. "In a final fatal attempt to keep this show 'PG-13', we won't let you carry out that promise contestant four. Better luck next time. Now for contestant five; he considers himself to be a strong believer of fate and thinks that whatever the outcome of this show is, it was destined to happen. Introducing Neji Hyuuga."

About half the right section of the audience went crazy before the doors even opened. Sakura ears were ringing at the volume of noise suddenly filling the building. She could see hysterical girls, and even some boys, screaming their lungs out for whoever was behind door that had yet to be opened. In the back of the stands, a large orange banner was held all along the back row reading 'Neji Hyuuga Marry Us!'

Finally the door opened and Sakura could see the cause of all the commotion. One look at the man, and she could see it was **very **well deserved. The guy had pale and flawless skin on an impeccably gorgeous face. His eyes were an amazingly sexy off white and his long, brown hair was tied loosely behind his back. His tall muscular body nearly had Sakura salivating on stage.

Neji walked across the stage ignoring his groupies and Sakura's eyes that were bonded by some invisible force to him.

"Sakura…Sakura…Sakura!" It was Gai's turn to bring Sakura back into reality.

Her head snapped reluctantly to Gai and she let out a dazed, "Huh?"

"We're moving on," he told her. "Alrighty, the next contestant described himself to our producers as one who doesn't particularly like anything and the only thing he looks forward to in life is exacting revenge against a certain someone. Here he is, Sasuke Uchiha!"

Just as Sakura's hearing returned to normal, it was shattered once again by the other half of the audience erupting in cheers for the next contestant. Once again, Sakura hadn't even seen the guy's face yet. Her hands clapped instinctively against her ears and she watched as girls out in the audience actually **cried** leaning against the railings as if this guy were sent from heaven. An array of posters flew up in the air all reading something along the lines of 'I love you Sasuke-kun!'

Turning her attention back to the door, she watched as it opened and once again, her audience was right. Sakura's hands slowly dropped to her side as she gawked at the dark haired guy making his way to them. She didn't know where to start upon describing his hotness. Should it be his strong and handsome face which was hot beyond belief? Or maybe those deep, black eyes. Or, quite possibly, his tall sexy body. Sakura felt as if she couldn't breath as she watched this man making his way in her direction. This guy brought sexiness to a whole other level.

The right half of the audience began chanting Neji's name over and over. Infuriated, the left side retaliated by chanting Sasuke's name continuously. The yelling overlapped making it seem as if the entire audience was screaming for some guy name Nesuke or Saji or something.

"Guys, guys!" Gai yelled trying to calm his audience down. The opposing fans faced each other and continued yelling angrily. If it weren't for a small strip of the audience about five or six seats across that went all the way from the very top to the very bottom, the battle of voices would've probably turned into a battle of fists. Sakura looked at the only people in the audience sitting down. They were all sitting rather calmly, despite the disgusted looks on most of their faces. They all were probably in the range group of early twenties to early thirties and looked back and forth between the two sides.

Suddenly, a loud gong crashed throughout the audience immediately silencing the two groups.

"That's enough!" Gai yelled, his face red. "Sit **down**!"

The audience reluctantly settled down. Audible grumbles still filled one of them saying, "Neji is hotter."

An equally low mumble could be heard saying, "Is not."

"Is too!" someone else said, louder this time.

"Not!" a person from the other side yelled back standing up.

"Yes he is!!" the banner girls from the top yelled down at the girl.

"**No!!**" Sasuke's entire section of groupies yelled back, all on their feet.

"**Yes!!**" Neji's groupies snarled back rising from their seats.

Sakura stole a glance at the two men that were causing all this commotion. They looked utterly indifferent, as if this happened to them all the time. The gong sounded again and both sides shut up and sat immediately in their seats like well trained puppies.

One of the ladies sitting in the first row of the neutral strip sighed out, "Groupies."

Gai grumbled something under his breath about immature teenagers and stupid hormones.

"Just call it the power of youth," Sakura offered, using Gai's words against him in an attempt to calm him down.

"Power of youth my ass." Gai grumbled again, still pissed that his limelight had been stolen.

"On with the show Gai," the director hissed from behind the cameraman.

"Right. Right!" Gai yelled suddenly, his perkiness returning. "Now for the moment you all have been waiting for, we're gonna meet who Sakura picked--"

"Hold on, you skipped a contestant, Gai," Sakura interrupted.

"No I didn't," Gai answered quickly. "Now as I was saying--"

"Uh huh," Sakura interrupted again. "Earlier you skipped from contestant five to contestant seven. We haven't seen contestant six yet." With the…distractions her previous two contestants had caused with their good looks, Sakura found herself too busy ogling to realize this.

Gai sighed. "Oh gee, I'm so sorry," he muttered although his voice lacked any sincerity. He sighed once more and began speaking in a low, quick mutter. "Our next contestant is a guy who came on this show. He describes as blah…blah…blah. Here he is Kakashi Hatake. Oh boy."

The door to booth six opened, and Sakura remained with her eyes firmly fixed on it. Then, suddenly, an ear shattering roar packed the studio. Sakura turned her head to the audience, expecting the see the previously loyal Sasuke and Neji fans combining forces to cheer for this guy.

She was so wrong.

It was the neutral strip making more noise than the two sides combined. The once dignified women were screaming, crying, and jumping up and down as they screamed Kakashi's name again and again.

The woman from before, the one who'd muttered 'groupies,' was perhaps the loudest in the group. She ripped her jacket off, revealing a tight, pale, pink shirt with bold, black writing reading, 'Kakashi did me!'

"Kakashi!"

"Kakashi! Oh my gosh there he is! Kakashi!"

"I love you Kakashi!"

"Kakashi!"

"MARRY ME!!"

"Kiss me!!"

"Take me Kakashi!"

Crash!! The gong once again rang through the air, silencing yet another fan club. The Kakashi fan club, froze, straightened themselves up, and dignifiedly and gracefully sat back down as if nothing had happened.

Sakura looked to the door, prepared to faint at this guy's hotness. But, when she looked at him, she couldn't see his face. He wore a navy blue mask covering everything but his right eye. Sakura would admit, however, that the other contestants had nothing on his body. Unlike the other contestants, he approached Sakura.

Sakura couldn't explain why, but she suddenly needed an inhaler.

He looked in her eyes (or eye) and said in a velvet voice. "I hope you're happy with your choice." He lifted Sakura's hand and kissed it gently. Sakura's legs gave.

Kakashi, being the smooth guy that he is, caught her in a hug and stabled her. His body so close on hers made Sakura nearly hyperventilate. He winked with his one eye before turning and walking off. Sakura didn't even know what this guy looked like and she already wanted to join his fan club.

Sakura hoped they had a medic onstage because if her choice followed the trend and was as hot as or hotter than the previous guys, she was liable to go into cardiac arrest.

"And now, ladies and gents, for the moment we've all been waiting for! Sakura's choice is revealed. Contestant eight; he loves training and getting stronger and striving to be the best he can with what he's got. He promises that if he's chosen, he'll be the greatest boyfriend ever. Let me hear you scream for today's winner: Rock Lee!! YEAH!!"

Sakura expected the entire audience to convert into his fan club, but it didn't happen. All the audience members did was clap politely and look towards the door. Sakura waited nervously and when it opened, her eyes nearly bugged out of her head.

"Sakura!!" Lee yelled enthusiastically as he ran from the door to Sakura, who was frozen in place.

"Oh…my…" was all Sakura could say. Her disbelieving eyes traveled over the tall guy running to her. He was equipped with attractively lean muscles; she would give him that, but his face…

"_His __**face**__,"_ Sakura thought over and over again. He was not hot or sexy or adorable or handsome like her previous options. No. He had a nerdy bowl-shaped hair cut, freakishly huge eyes, and eyebrows…

"_Those __**eyebrow**__s!!"_ Sakura thought again, this time moaning aloud. They were GINORMOUS!! Sakura shivered at how it looked as if two exceptionally fuzzy, fat, black caterpillars crawled above his eyebrows one day and like the spot so much that they decided to stay there.

"Sakura," The guy Lee yelled out again, throwing his arms around Sakura in a hug so tight, she felt as if she couldn't breathe. "I am so glad you have picked me! I swear to you, you will not regret it! Whoo hoo! Yes! Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy, oh boy, oh boy, oh boy..."

"Awww, young love," Gai sighed, wiping a tear from his eye. "Well, that's our show folks. If--"

"NO! No, it is **not** over!" Sakura yelled suddenly, breaking from Lee and storming over to Gai. "How can you go from this--" Sakura asked waving her arms in reference to the other contestants; putting much emphasis on Neji, Kakashi, and Sasuke. "To this!!" Sakura shrieked pointing to Lee."

"What's that supposed to mean? That's a dapper looking young man." Gai smiled at Lee and gave him a thumbs up and a wink. Lee smiled back and returned them.

"Dapper my ass!" Sakura growled back. "I demand a re-pick!"

"Awwww, I'm sorry Miss," Gai told her in his host voice. "There are no 're-picks' on The Konoha Dating Game." Once again, the audience took it upon themselves to shout out the title with him.

"But…but I--"

"Thanks for tuning in folks," Gai interrupted. "Join us next week for a brand new episode of…"

"The Konoha Dating Game!" the audience yelled out.

"Ha ha! You folks are beautiful. Thank you everyone and goodnight!"

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**Yes, I know; this is a crazy story. I just wrote because it popped into my head so I figured, "Why not post it!" That being said: be gentle in your reviews please!**

**Two more things: 1) Yes I know this is Neji before the transformation, but that character gave me more to work off of; although I like post-chunin Neji better. (Actually…I don't care which one it is. I just love Neji!!)**

**2) I really do like Lee and I hate when people put him down and make seem like a loser. I think he's a cutie-bo-bootie, but for the sake of this story, he had to play the unwanted one. He can handle rejection better, he's more…mature. But still: I APOLOGIZE TO LEE-KUN AND FANS OF LEE-KUN!!**

**So, if you're not sitting there gaping at the computer like 'What the hell' right now, why don'tcha go and read the alternate endings, yeah? R&R (nicely XD)!**


	2. Alternate Ending 1

**_Alternate Ending 1_**

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**Disclaimer:** Same as the first, same as the next. Do I really need to say it again?

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"Sakura," The guy Lee yelled out again, throwing his arms around Sakura in a hug so tight, she felt as if she couldn't breathe. "I am so glad you have picked me! I swear to you, you will not regret it! Whoo hoo! Yes! Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy, oh boy, oh boy, oh boy..."

"Awww, young love," Gai sighed, wiping a tear from his eye. "Well, that's our show folks. If--"

"NO! No, it is **not** over!" Sakura yelled suddenly, breaking from Lee and storming over to Gai. "How can you go from this--" Sakura asked waving her arms in reference to the other contestants; putting much emphasis on Neji, Kakashi, and Sasuke. "To this!!" Sakura shrieked pointing to Lee."

"What's that supposed to mean? That's a dapper looking young man." Gai smiled at Lee and gave him a thumbs up and a wink. Lee smiled back and returned them.

"Dapper my ass!" Sakura growled back. "I demand a re-pick!"

"Awwww, I'm sorry Miss," Gai told her in his host voice. "There are no 're-picks' on The Konoha Dating Game." Once again, the audience took it upon themselves to shout out the title with him.

"No re-picks? You've got to be kidding me!"

"I'm sorry Sakura, but you've made your decision. And a marvelous one at that! I mean really, how lucky can you get!" he flashed a smile at Lee again.

"This was **not** a marvelous decision! This was-this was...this was a rip-off!"

"No way, there are no rip-offs on the…"

"Ko--"

"The Konoha Dating Game! I know, I know!" Sakura yelled to the audience at the top of her lungs. "Well, if you won't let me chose again then I'm not going out with him damn it!" Sakura stalked over to the couch and plopped down, crossing her arms across her chest like a spoiled brat.

The entire studio fell silent for about five seconds.

"Hey, I'll go out with him," a female voice yelled out from somewhere within the 'Sasuke Fan Club' section.

"Me too. He doesn't look that bad," another voice rang out from over on the 'United Lovers of Neji' half.

"Kakashi's gonna be busy for awhile." A lady next to the woman in the pink shirt called out. "I'd go out with him too. But only once." She added quickly.

"Ummmm," Gai looked at the producer. "Well, come on down, all three of you!" Gai invited. The audience cheered as the three girls came onto the stage. They crowded around Lee and Sakura sat on the couch and watched; her mouth wide open.

"We-hell," Gai chuckled. "I guess this concludes a very…interesting episode. I hope you all enjoyed yourselves-except for Sakura, who we know didn't and now because of her fastidiousness she's going to grow old and alone and bitter and the only company she'll have will be her twenty cats who she'll gripe to in her senile age about what could've been. Well, anyway, that's all for now, join us next week for a fabulous new episode of…"

"The Konoha Dating Game!" the audience yelled out.

"Have a good time, Lee! Gai out!"

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**That whole cat thing is an inside joke between me and a coupla my friends; it fit perfectly for Sakura just then.**


	3. Alternate Ending 2

**This ending takes a little drift away from the original story line of The Konoha Dating Game, and a dip more into I guess you could say a SakuLee fic. Either way, I just had to do this ending. Why? Because I told you: I love my Lee-kun!! I couldn't bear leaving him like that, so I just had to make this little alternate ending; it's actually my favorite ending out of all three. **

**Go Lee!! Go people who see beyond looks!!**

**This one is a little similar to the original ending, up until a very certain point. Read to find out what happens!**

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**Disclaimer:** You know the drill.

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"Sakura," The guy Lee yelled out again, throwing his arms around Sakura in a hug so tight, she felt as if she couldn't breathe. "I am so glad you have picked me! I swear to you, you will not regret it! Whoo hoo! Yes! Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy, oh boy, oh boy, oh boy..."

"Awww, young love," Gai sighed, wiping a tear from his eye. "Well, that's our show folks. If you would like to be a contestant on next weeks show-and your name's not Kakashi-" he mumbled the last part under his breath, "Give us a call, and you never know, **you** may become a contestant on…"

"The Konoha Dating Game!" the audience yelled.

"Man, I never get tired of that." Gai chuckled. "Thank you and good night!"

After the cameras shut off, Sakura broke free from Lee's hug.

"Oh Sakura, this is a dream come true! Where would you wish to go for our first date? I promise you, I will take you wherever you want to go. No expense barred."

For a few seconds, Sakura stared at Lee. His childlike face seemed kind and eager. She sighed. As far as looks went, this guy wouldn't get a first glance from her, but she couldn't deny that he seemed like a truly decent guy.

"Let's just go for ramen or something," Sakura sighed. It was cheap and quick and Ichiraku's entryway was perfectly open; just in case she needed to make a quick getaway.

"Excellent!" Lee responded, extremely excited.

"This is just one date, you know," Sakura reminded him. "The only time we'll see each other again is on the rare occasion we pass by each other on the village streets."

"Roger!" Lee exclaimed, his face now serious as he gave her a military salute.

"Let's just go," she groaned as she turned and prepared to exit the nearly empty studio.

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"Are you enjoying your ramen, Sakura?" Lee asked the rosette beside him.

"Mmm-hmm! It's delicious!" Sakura smiled back. During their walk to Ichiraku's Sakura got to know Lee a little bit better. She discovered that he was an honest, compassionate, and loyal guy, and even began seeing him as a little cuter than before. While they ate, Lee and Sakura continued talking. Sakura found herself enjoying the date much more than she had originally intended.

Hours later, when they had both finished, Sakura and Lee exited Ichiraku's. Lee- being the gentleman that he is- offered to walk Sakura home. Gratefully, she accepted. In all honesty, she wanted to spend the extra few minutes with him. The entire walk home, Lee joked around and told crazy stories to Sakura. She didn't stop smiling the entire way.

When they finally approached Sakura's doorstep, Lee suddenly got quiet.

"Well, this is my stop," Sakura said to him.

"Yes, of course!" Lee tried to sound enthusiastic, but Sakura could hear the melancholy in his voice compared to earlier. "I'll see you around the village, Sakura. Maybe." And with that he turned to leave.

"I really enjoyed tonight, Lee," Sakura called out to him.

"I did as well," he yelled in return. Inside his head, Lee could only wish she'd let him leave and stop twisting the dagger now plunged in his heart.

The pitter-patter of running footsteps could be heard from behind him. Then a soft hand reached out for his wrist and turned him around.

"We should do this again sometime," Sakura said to him, biting her lower lip nervously at what he might say.

Fortunately, Lee's face lighted up. "Oh most definitely!" he nodded back eagerly.

Sakura laughed in relief. "Great. Here's my number." She pulled out a pen and wrote her number on his hand. "Call me whenever you wanna get together again. 'Kay?"

"Whoo hoo! Of course I will Sakura. Thank you!"

"You weirdo," Sakura told him affectionately with a laugh. "Well goodnight."

"Goodnight!" Lee answered, his joyfulness resurfacing.

Sakura leaned up and quickly planted a kiss on Lee's cheek before turning to run inside her house.

A few seconds after the door closed, Lee remained in the same spot in the middle of the street. A small blush was on his face and his hand slowly lifted to the spot where Sakura kissed his cheek.

Slowly, a smile began to spread on his face. "Yahoo!" he suddenly screamed out, jumping up and down. "Thank you Konoha Dating Game!" And with that, Lee leaped happily home, yelling all the way.

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End file.
